May 30th, 2012
May 25th, 2012
March 17th, 2012
March 16th, 2012
February 29th, 2012
February 8th, 2012
February 7th, 2012
  • TED: I cannot believe you screamed at that woman at Zabar's.
  • ROBIN: She was trying to cut in line! She was gonna get the last kugel.
  • TED: She was 90 years old, it was probably gonna be her last kugel.
  • ROBIN: Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.
  • TED: You called her a whore.
  • ROBIN: Who wears that much make up!?
  • TED: Old ladies!
  • ROBIN: Who take money for sex, exactly!
  • JACK: Just to be clear, we're not making out. That would be social suicide.
  • LIZ: Like i even want to be here in this closet at this reunion.
  • JACK: - It's a nightmare. - A nightmare for whom, lemon?
  • LIZ: If these jagweeds don't want to get to know the nice new me, Then screw them and their rapidly yellowing teeth.
  • JACK: lemon, you really haven't changed, have you?
  • LIZ: Excuse me?
  • JACK: What happened when i told you geiss had screwed me over For the ceo job?
  • LIZ: Did you offer your help as a friend?
  • JACK: Or did you make some joke about me being impotent?
  • LIZ: Jeez, that was, like, eight hours ago. I was just, i don't know, cutting the tension.
  • JACK: Or, as always, were you hiding behind your sense of humor instead of engaging in a real way?
  • LIZ: Really, i'm the one that's hiding, larry braverman?
  • JACK: There it is, right there. When you feel threatened, you attack. That's why you're almost 40 and you're still alone.
  • LIZ: At least i'm not 50, alone, And sitting on 2,000 business cards For a job i'm never gonna get.
  • JACK: - What did you say?
  • LIZ: Yeah. Your bags were delivered to my room by accident. Look what i found. You went to a printer, didn't you? You picked out a font. You paid extra for a rush order. It was your happy, little secret.
  • JACK: What are you doing? Why is she so mean?
November 25th, 2011